. I just worked something out... ...People are thinking that I get self-destructive thoughts because of personal pain, loneliness, and defeat. THIS IS WRONG! I can take the hits, all day, every day and thrive on the fight! ! No! What makes me suicidal is the pain the rest of the world goes through and my feeling overwhelmed and unable to make any difference or help all those countless others that need it. THAT IS WHAT GETS ME! ! . ! How did I finally realize this…? Got banned from a group… The details don’t matter, it’s a long-convoluted story that makes less and less sense to me each day. And because it was a main social group, I spent a lot of time with, Friends and Family etc. were always asking. “Are you ok! Blah blah blah.” “You should give in! Blah blah blah.” “How are you managing?! Blah blah blah.” And there is me thinking… “Do these well-meaning people even know me?” “I rebelled against something – that just makes it a below-average Tuesday!” Just now, 11 pm, On my 51st birth