Skip to main content

DONATE TO THIS RANTING DOUCHE?

A collection of Dad Scenarios

!
.

A collection of Dad Scenarios

This will page will get updated with new ones every so often!
.
.
A Dad Scenario 1
Getting Ready to go camping!

.

Dad:
<To both kids> 
“Have you both packed?”
.
Both Kids:
“Yes, Dad!”
.
Dad:
“Right for this trip,”
“As usual”
“I am going to nickname you both.”
.
<Pointing at the younger daughter and older son each in turn> 
.
“You are going to be 'Emergency Rations 1”
“While you will be 'Emergency Ration’s 2”
.
Wife:
“I have told you!”
“You are not allowed to call the kids that!”
“It is inappropriate”
.
Dad:
“Sorry I forgot”
“Change of plan”
“No nicknames this trip!”
.
Younger Daughter:
“Dad?”
.
Dad:
“Yes, love?”
“Be quick!
“We have to get going!
.
Younger Daughter:
“Why is that inappropriate?”
.
Dad:
“I’m not entirely sure love”
“You will have to ask,”
“Emergency Rations 3'!”
.
Older Son:

<Burst out laughing> 
.
Wife:

<Gives the Dad an evil look of doom!>
.
.

A Dad Scenario 2 

Seeing a Daughters Dragon Drawing! 
.
Very Young Daughter:
“Dad?”
.
Dad:
“Yes, love?”
.
Very Young Daughter:
“Do you want to see my drawing of a dragon?”
.
Dad:
“Yes, love!”
<Looks at her picture.>
“What sort of dragon is it?”
.
Very Young Daughter:
“She's the Dragon Queen!”
.
Dad:
“Yes, love!”
<Looking at her picture.>
“But what sort of dragons is she Queen of?”
.
Very Young Daughter:
“All of them!”
“She is the Dragon Queen!”
“She is the Queen of ALL dragons!”
.
Dad:
“Cool!”
<Keeps looking at her dragon picture.>
“What powers does she have?”
.
Very Young Daughter:
“All of them!”
“She 'IS' The Dragon Queen!”
“She has the powers of every Dragon!”
“She has the same powers of ALL dragons EVERYWHERE!”
.
Dad:
“Cool!”
<Starring at her dragon picture.>
“All dragons?
.
Very Young Daughter:
“All Dragons!”
Even, the ‘Made Up’ ones!
.

.


DAD SCENARIO 3
A Lovely Catholic Christmas Family Song!


.

Scene :

Christmas time.

A grandmother’s family home.

Italian Roman Catholic heritage on one side

Irish Catholic Heritage on the other

It is a grandparent’s home there are plenty of crosses and Mary statues around as well as one or two pictures on the current pope

.

The children are all showing off all the lovely carols they have learned at Sacred Heart Catholic Faith School.

.

Very young son:

“Dad Can I have a go now please”

.

Wife :

“Sure love, it is your turn now.”

.

< My bright-eyed little boy stands tall and proud and burst into glowing Christian song! >

.

Very young son:

”Seems like all I can see was the squiggle”

“Hunted by ghosts that lived in my past”

“Bound up in shackles of all my failures”

“Wondering how long is this gonna last”


.

< All the grandparents are beaming with pride,>

<Some of the words are wrong but no one cares, He is only a young child trying his best,>

.

Very young son :

“Then You look at this pissner and say to me ‘son Stop fighting a fight that's already been won.”

.

<We ignore the minor error, it’s kind of cute>

<My son's confidence grows and he raises the volume In the sort of tuneless way only a little boy that young can!>

.


Very young son:

“I AM DEMON, YOU SET ME FREE”

.

< I and two other dads do a literal full-on sprayed spit take!>

< I never thought those happened in real life!>

.

Very young son:

“So I'll shake off theses heavy chains”
“And wipe away every stain now I'm not who I used to be”

.

<My son's confidence grows again! He raises the volume In the sort of tuneless way only a little boy that young can to the last crescendo!>

.

<The grandparent can only look on in horror>

<I am in literal dire pain with trying not to bust,>

<while thinking ‘Best Christmas ever!’>

.

Very young son

“I AM DEMON!”
.
“I AM DEMON!”

.
<His little face lighting up, mistaking my tears of dire laughter as glowing praise>
.
<I am have just about recovered myself,>
.
<it could not possibly get any better than that>

.

Very young <and now very enthusiastic and excited> son:

“Can I do it again!”

.

Wife :

“Maybe later dear”

While at the same time jerking her elbow back into my ribs harder than she ever has before!>

.

Very young son :

“BUT, Everyone else got to do two?!”

.

< She too late though,>

< I am howling my head off and struggling to breathe while the rest of the family look on in disapproving horror at me! >

.


!
.
A Dad Scenario 4 
.
Family Priorities!
.
DAD:
“What are you all doing?”
.
10-Year-Old Daughter:
“Me and Mummy are looking up ‘Warrior Cat’ Books on Amazon for my birthday.”
.
DAD:
“Cool,”
“It will be nice to have some emergency toilet paper if we need it.”

.
10-Year-Old Daughter:
“DADDY!”
<Her eyes narrow…>
“I WILL slit your throat!”

.
MUM
“EXCUSE ME!" 
"You two!" 
.
DAD AND 10-Year-Old Daughter:
“What?”
.
MUM
“We DO NOT joke about things like that IN ‘THIS’ family…!”
.
<…Slight pause…>
.
<…MUM looks at DAD…>
.
MUM:
“We NEVER EVER joke about harming…”
“…. Books!”
.
.

.

Comments

Why THIS blog?

Why THIS blog?
Why THIS blog?

£50 Grade 1 add type

£50 Grade 1 add type
£50 Grade 1 add type

ARE THESE RANTS TOO HARSH?

YOUR CHOSEN CONTENT IS BELOW,
JUST SCROLL DOWN A LITTLE BIT MORE!

THIS PAGE MAY CONTAIN SWEARING, DRUG AND SEX REFERENCES!

ARE THESE RANTS TOO HARSH?

SQUEAK!

Then please go instead to the Much Milder more “public friendly"

www.mouselombot.co.uk

STANDING NOTICES!

£25 Grade 2 add type

£25 Grade 2 add type
£25 Grade 2 add type

THE BIG LIST OF RAT GEEK PAGE RANTS!

£25 Grade 2 add type

£25 Grade 2 add type
£25 Grade 2 add type

THE BIG LIST OF RAT SCIENCE PAGE RANTS!

£25 Grade 2 add type

£25 Grade 2 add type
£25 Grade 2 add type

GO GREEN! SAVE THE HUMAN RACE FROM EXTINCTION!

£25 Grade 2 add type

£25 Grade 2 add type
£25 Grade 2 add type

THE BIG LIST OF RAT ART PAGE RANTS!

THE BIG LIST OF RAT HEALTH PAGE RANTS!

DAD RANT! WILL YOU BLOODY KIDS PLEASE SHUT THE HELL UP!

Grade 2 Add here for £25 a month

Grade 2 Add here for £25 a month
Grade 2 Add here for £25 a month

RATs Furry Feinds, Friends, Beloved Pets and Cuddle Stars!

THE BIG LIST OF RAT MONEY PAGE RANTS!

Grade 2 ADD £25 a month

Grade 2 ADD £25 a month
Grade 2 ADD £25 a month

THE BIG LIST OF RAT SEX AND GENDER PAGE RANTS!

THE BIG LIST OF RAT ANTI RACE BIGOTRY AND ANTI FAITH BIGOTRY PAGE RANTS!

THE BIG LIST OF RAT ANTI-HOMOPHOBIC PAGE RANTS!

THE BIG LIST OF RAT CRIME PAGE RANTS!

25£ Slot

25£ Slot
25£ Add Space

THE BIG LIST OF RAT POLITICAL PAGE RANTS!

Grade 3 Add here £10 a Month

Grade 3 Add here £10 a Month
Grade 3 Add here £10 a Month

Grade 3 Add here £10 a Month

Grade 3 Add here £10 a Month
Grade 3 Add here £10 a Month

My Faith.

I HATE THESE VIEWS! THE ANTI CENSORSHIP POLICY OF MY BLOG!!

Grade 3 Add here for £10 a month

Grade 3 Add here for £10 a month
Grade 3 Add here for £10 a month

THE BIG LIST OF RAT JUST PLAIN WEIRD PAGE RANTS!

Add Here for £10 a Month

Add Here for £10 a Month
Grade 3 Add Here for £10 a Month

£10 grade 3 add type

£10 grade 3 add type
£10 grade 3 add type

£10 grade 3 add type

£10 grade 3 add type
£10 grade 3 add type

SEARCH! For other rants!

Rants You Hate Less Than The Others!

What if a US presidential candidate refuses to concede after an election...

Sometimes I worry.

! . Sometimes I worry. . I am nearly 50 years old IF I live another 20 years That is 7300 days! . If for some reason I Only attack some empowered group every other day. . That is still 3650 days! . There can not possibly be that many empowered groups in the world! . Sometimes I worry! . I worry I am going to run out of "groups with power" to piss off! . !

I DO understand AMERICAS problem

! . I DO understand AMERICAS problem, . BUT! Refusing to vote is NOT any solution! . But short of civil war and an armed uprising  (Which is VERY BAD!) The only immediate rather weak band-aid solution is to keep getting each party of this limited two-party system to only serve one term each, forever alternately. ( Never two terms in a row ) . To keep them busy doing the pretence of fighting each other, And keep them a bit off-balance as they have to swap desks and paperwork every 4 years. . THIS is all you have! . Until someone far smarter than me and you combined x10 finds a none destructive solve to this problem that would NOT cost thousands of innocent lives! . ! . When people all cry out for an armed uprising or a civil war in America to break the corrupt 2 party system To take back democracy from evil international corporations! . Those same international corporations, DROOL AND RUB THEIR BLOODY HANDS WITH GREEDY GLEE! . . THINK ABOUT IT! . Who do you think will make the most mo

GEEK ATTACK! The support ticket I filled out for Blizzard Games.

! . The support ticket I filled out for Blizzard Games. . I have had a particularly tough year, . One small highlight was watching BlizzCon live with the virtual ticket. . So I managed, with a bit of sacrifice, to not only find the money for the (now more expensive ticket) but also £20 worth of Pizza to make the whole night a bit of a personal occasion. . But halfway through the Overwatch part of the opening ceremony, the feed kept closing, changing to the wrong language, and this kept happening to the point that it became unstable! . Yes,, while I can watch it all again later when OR if it is fixed, but it is is not the same. It has not got the same energy as seeing that opening ceremony live and hearing the cool stuff, first hand. . Maybe I put too much   store  i n this one treat to make life seem a little better at the moment, and of course part of me knows that I am overreacting, but I am just too psychologically tired now to even feel angry. . I am sorry, . But I am done. . Thi

GEEK ATTACK! (PC) Investigating Police please note:

! . Investigating Police please note : . ‘When’ and not ‘if’ I am found dead in my chair It was NOT the “Extreme Right” that got me OR The “Extreme Left” OR EVEN My wife after one too many crap jokes. . . Ti’s was the PC game “Stellaris” that killed me! . . . Because it is so good, that I have played it so much in my one first go, that I threw up with chest pains due to lack of sleep! . (Apparently, fat unhealthy 46-year-olds still need to sleep!)  (Who would have guessed?)  . And even ‘THEN’ and even ‘NOW’, at ‘THAT’ extreme point, it both took and is taking a real concerted effort of willpower to walk away! . ! . . . . . THIS IS NOT a "Shmoo!" post! .

X-factor 2018, Here, Bellow, are the things I care about in series 15.

#CummingsTheCovidSpreader

! . RULE 1 : . Always try and follow ALL the rules! . . RULE 2 : . "IF" you DO break a rule,  . Then DAM WELL Break E'm Good N' Hard! . (You are going to get just as punished for doing a half measure as you are going full bore nuke!) . #CummingsTheCovidSpreader . ! . .

HEADS UP MATH NERDS! There is a new sexy form of statistical analysis in town!

! . HEADS UP MATH NERDS! . . There is a new form of widely used statistical analysis that typically presents its data on a 0-100% scale. . Know as the POOAS method. . It is now the most widely used form of data presentation in the world! . Now used globally by all governments a staggering 84.3 % of the time! . Yet you may not yet have ever heard of it. . . . . THE POOAS Method! . . . . PROUDLY ONLY PRINTED ON NON-GMO PAPER! . PROUDLY  ONLY USES NON-GMO INK! . . From S. A Chasim. PHucD. OCD. With a Forward By Dr Jonathan Swift. DM . ONLY £6.66p GBP! CLICK HERE  TO GET YOURS! . https://www.lombot.co.uk/p/fake-warning-do-not-publih.html . . . . . THE  POOAS   Method! . . . ( Pulled Out Of Arse Statistics!)  . . Used by a Politician or Lobbyist near you!. . ! . HELP! . I have a crap load of books everywhere! . I do not put them in any order! . I am super untidy, . I have not been able to find my book about "Applied Chaos Th

GEEK ATTACK! WAS Thanos VERY STUPID! OR VERY WISE??!! The Solution He COULD have used! AND the one reason he might not have chosen to use it! V3

GEEK ATTACK! WAS Thanos VERY STUPID! OR VERY WISE??!! The Solution He COULD have used! AND the one reason he might not have chosen to use it!  The newest content is below the intro piece, Scroll past previous content a short way to get to it!  (NOTE:  NOT MY MEME!  PURLEY POSTED  TO SHOW WHAT I AM REPLYING TOO!)  I reckon Thanos WILL have made a load to new for the resources for the universe! BUT Let us assume the MCU abides by the rule that "energy cannot be created," But if energy cannot be created he would have to take the raw energy needed to create those resources from somewhere. Find something he deems expendable to reduce disassemble and to mere energy to redistribute to resource creation! I wonder where he could have gotten the extra energy to make those resources. Does anyone happen to have any bright ideas? PPS WAS Thanos VERY STUPID! OR VERY WISE??!! The Solution He COULD have us

I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOU TOMMY ROBINSON! If Anyone happens to see that Tommy person! Please remind him that my open challenge to him is still waiting to be accepted! Pass it on!

. I AM STILL WAITING FOR YOU TOMMY ROBINSON! . If Anyone happens to see that Tommy person! Please remind him that my open challenge to him is still waiting to be accepted! Pass it on! . . . It took over 5 hours to collate this data and work out these figures! . . . ! . But you can not compare white people with Muslims! . They are two different categories! . But this fact is what makes the extrapolated math possible. . I felt safe in making and combining the 2 following assumptions. , 1) . That a maximum of 2% of the Muslim population in the UK was White. . And . 2) . That a maximum of 2% of White people in the UK was Muslim . These are the only assumption in the math that was done, all the rest was achieved using solid figures! . If the target chosen by the racist had been a faith that had been largely white then the mathematical extrapolation could not have been safely done and their lies revealed. . I love the irony that this is one time a type of “Ra

Archive List!

Show more

Grade 3 £10 Add

Grade 3 £10 Add
Grade 3 ADD £10 Per Month

Blog Logo

Blog Logo
Contact RatLombot@GMail.Com

DONATE TO THIS RANTING DOUCHE?

The Main Part About Ranting Is Repeating Yourself!