.
The SWAMP Joke project.
As a writing exercise, I want to see IF I could write racist jokes.
Obviously, as Straight White Alpha Male Privileged and as a liberal, I don’t want to write racist jokes but as a writer wanting to stretch themselves, I do.
So as Liberal Straight White Alpha Male Privileged (Or SWAMP for short) there is, obviously, only one racial group I feel comfortable picking on…. My own.
I am going to try and create 21 racist anti SWAMP jokes.
.
1 )
You are so SWAMP…
That the Music Factory has produced and compilation of all that you said last year
And called it
“Now That’s What I Call, It Should STILL Be Inoffensive to Say, Vol 3!”
.
2 )
You are so SWAMP…
That all you married cousins,
Up to and including the ones that are theoretically “Twice removed”
Have STILL, Somehow, managed to share the same second name.
.
3 )
You are so SWAMP…
That Vampires think you are too pale!
SO, pale
They would rather starve than touch your gross sweaty neck!
.
4 )
You are so SWAMP…
That abstract concept of the sport Basketball took one look at you
Gave Up
And turned itself into a wastepaper basket and a ball of paper
And YOU STILL always miss!
.
5 )
You are so SWAMP…
That raiding Vikings storming the beach of Angleland from the 10th Century
Would consider your idea of acceptable sexual politics..,
…A bit, disturbingly, on the wrong side of basic.
.
6 )
You are so SWAMP
That you are immune to any real consequences to raping everyone in the entire office you work at
BUT ONLY IF…
That office is part of the Activision Blizzard group
.
7 )
You are so SWAMP
That your families most prominent genetic trait IS…
That they are All born with compulsive fake joyless smiles.
.
8 )
You are so SWAMP
80s cameramen calibrated their equipment
Using your sloped forehead instead of using a piece of paper!
.
9 )
You are so SWAMP
That even the god Ashur thinks you are too creepily Babylon!
.
10 )
You are so SWAMP
That IF You are ever naked,
On a pure white, freshly laid, virgin snowdrift, in bright sunlight.
You are actually EASIER to spot
The snowdrift will be all the parts that look a darker cream color.
.
11 )
You are so SWAMP
That Durex simply does not make a product size that small.
.
12 )
You are so SWAMP
That if your gene pool was an actual pool
You could leave toddlers playing in it safely,
Without Any parental supervision.
That’s how shallow it would be!
.
13 )
You are so SWAMP
That you still prefer to use old-style porn mags,
Rather than using the internet!
.
14 )
You are so SWAMP
That Satan herself feels like she needs a shower,
After having to talk to your offensive arse!
.
15 )
You are so SWAMP
That God is glancing sideways at the rainclouds of the world
And is reconsidering that whole keeping her
“Rainbow Promise” idea.
.
16 )
You are so SWAMP
That you simply cannot understand why people bother to buy swimming flippers
What's wrong with all their toe webbing?
.
17 )
You are so SWAMP
That Cthulhu would love to make a public apology for your existence
But the poor thing feels far too embarrassed to show its face now!
.
18 )
You are so SWAMP
That Karren's of Midwest America called
They are asking you nicely,
To turndown that baseless sense of entitlement down a small notch.
.
19 )
You are so SWAMP
That the aliens won't invade
There is no point attacking a being so white,
That ALL their laser fire bounces straight off!
.
20 )
You are so SWAMP
Gregorian chant is the only thing close enough to music with a little enough rhythm
That you can safely dance to it without looking stupid!
.
21 )
You are so SWAMP
The dullest bank in the world called yesterday
They want to offer you,
Sight unseen,
A mid-level management job
.
.
As a writing exercise, I want to see IF I could write racist jokes.
Obviously, as Straight White Alpha Male Privileged and as a liberal, I don’t want to write racist jokes but as a writer wanting to stretch themselves, I do.
So as Liberal Straight White Alpha Male Privileged (Or SWAMP for short) there is, obviously, only one racial group I feel comfortable picking on…. My own.
(NOTE: I am Proudly NOT an “Alpha” male!)
I am going to try and create 21 racist anti SWAMP jokes.
.
1 )
You are so SWAMP…
That the Music Factory has produced and compilation of all that you said last year
And called it
“Now That’s What I Call, It Should STILL Be Inoffensive to Say, Vol 3!”
.
2 )
You are so SWAMP…
That all you married cousins,
Up to and including the ones that are theoretically “Twice removed”
Have STILL, Somehow, managed to share the same second name.
.
3 )
You are so SWAMP…
That Vampires think you are too pale!
SO, pale
They would rather starve than touch your gross sweaty neck!
.
4 )
You are so SWAMP…
That abstract concept of the sport Basketball took one look at you
Gave Up
And turned itself into a wastepaper basket and a ball of paper
And YOU STILL always miss!
.
5 )
You are so SWAMP…
That raiding Vikings storming the beach of Angleland from the 10th Century
Would consider your idea of acceptable sexual politics..,
…A bit, disturbingly, on the wrong side of basic.
.
6 )
You are so SWAMP
That you are immune to any real consequences to raping everyone in the entire office you work at
BUT ONLY IF…
That office is part of the Activision Blizzard group
.
7 )
You are so SWAMP
That your families most prominent genetic trait IS…
That they are All born with compulsive fake joyless smiles.
.
8 )
You are so SWAMP
80s cameramen calibrated their equipment
Using your sloped forehead instead of using a piece of paper!
.
9 )
You are so SWAMP
That even the god Ashur thinks you are too creepily Babylon!
.
10 )
You are so SWAMP
That IF You are ever naked,
On a pure white, freshly laid, virgin snowdrift, in bright sunlight.
You are actually EASIER to spot
The snowdrift will be all the parts that look a darker cream color.
.
11 )
You are so SWAMP
That Durex simply does not make a product size that small.
.
12 )
You are so SWAMP
That if your gene pool was an actual pool
You could leave toddlers playing in it safely,
Without Any parental supervision.
That’s how shallow it would be!
.
13 )
You are so SWAMP
That you still prefer to use old-style porn mags,
Rather than using the internet!
.
14 )
You are so SWAMP
That Satan herself feels like she needs a shower,
After having to talk to your offensive arse!
.
15 )
You are so SWAMP
That God is glancing sideways at the rainclouds of the world
And is reconsidering that whole keeping her
“Rainbow Promise” idea.
.
16 )
You are so SWAMP
That you simply cannot understand why people bother to buy swimming flippers
What's wrong with all their toe webbing?
.
17 )
You are so SWAMP
That Cthulhu would love to make a public apology for your existence
But the poor thing feels far too embarrassed to show its face now!
.
18 )
You are so SWAMP
That Karren's of Midwest America called
They are asking you nicely,
To turndown that baseless sense of entitlement down a small notch.
.
19 )
You are so SWAMP
That the aliens won't invade
There is no point attacking a being so white,
That ALL their laser fire bounces straight off!
.
20 )
You are so SWAMP
Gregorian chant is the only thing close enough to music with a little enough rhythm
That you can safely dance to it without looking stupid!
.
21 )
You are so SWAMP
The dullest bank in the world called yesterday
They want to offer you,
Sight unseen,
A mid-level management job
.
.
.
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