! That terrible wave of loneliness that hits you, Out of nowhere, during a Social Event! Like a cold sledgehammer made of ice hitting your chest! ! THIS! THIS! THIS! This is why I disappear back home early during a night out, party, or an event. Ignoring all previous plans! I know it's irrational IT IS NO ONE'S FAULT! I know it is just in my head! But it just being in my head does Not stop it feeling real enough to me - Horribly real - Real enough to make me scurry back home to hide! THIS is why it is getting ever harder and harder to leave the flat and try to be part of the world! This is why I am joining in less and less! This is why I push people away. ! You cannot be abandoned again - If you abandon Them first! You cannot be "given up on" - If you "give up" on Them first! You cannot be rejected - If you reject Them first! They cannot break Your heart if you do not let yourself need Them! The world cannot hurt you if you do not let it in! ! I am far less ...