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Let me know if you have already heard this one! There are these three Men! A Humanist, A Catholic, and a Hindu...

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Let me know if you have already heard this one!
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There are these three Men!
A Humanist, A Catholic, and a Hindu all die.
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All three are standing at the pearly gates and there is Saint Peter with his stereotypical halo, beard, robe and book!
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Two of them are looking worried while the Catholic is looking and feeling smug.
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The Humanist goes up and there is a heated discussion that neither the Hindu nor the Catholic can hear,
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The Humanist seem agitated, but Saint Peter remains calm puts a heavy hand in the Humanist shoulder and lets him in.
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Confused, the Hindu steps up next.
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Again, the Catholic cannot hear what is being said,
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There seems to be a look of confusion on his face but again Saint peter puts a heavy hand on his shoulder and shows him in.
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Then Catholic then walks up with confidence and a big shit-eating grin!
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“I’m sorry,”
Says Saint Peter
“But I am afraid that I cannot let you in.”
“You have to go to the 'bad place' instead!”

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The Catholic looks shocked and says,
“You don’t mean New Jersey USA, do you?”
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“No”
Replies Saint Peter,
“The meant REALLY 'Bad Place'!”
Hell

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“But you let those two in!”
“It is not fair!”
“One was a Humanist that treated God and an anachronistic Joke!”
“And the other was totally the wrong religion”
“I went to Church every Sunday all my life”
“I constantly went to confession!”

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Saint Peter looked through his book again,
“All true,” he says
“But you treated confession as a bragging post,”
“You never felt truly ashamed of sorry,”
“The priest never knew but God knows all!”
“You never tried to be a better person!”
“And”
“You lived your life full of feelings of self-righteous superiority and looking down on your fellow man,”
“You kept a heart full of Hatred thinking it was some sort of strength”
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“The Humanist worked tirelessly for Human Rights even at the risk of his own life,”
“They never expected any reward spiritual or otherwise”
“Only ever being constantly driven to do what is right at all personal cost”
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“The Hindu spent all his time helping others and giving all that he could spare to charity”
“While trying to keep his heart full of love and compassion no matter what the world constantly showed him or did to him!”

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The Catholic cried!
“But I believe in both Christ and God!”
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“Then why did you never act like it?”
Asked Saint Peter.
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“Well if I have to spend eternity in Hell then those two should as well”
“They do not even believe in Christ or God!”
Screamed the Catholic in rage!
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“God does give two shits about your opinions of delusional notions of self-entitlement,"

"Only on your actions!” 
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“You literally proved my point just now!”
“Showing you lack humanity by wishing others to suffer as you will, as an act of petty spite!”
“Neither of them would have said such a thing if they were in your shoes”
.

“Go on, tell me again why you deserve Heaven more than them!”
.

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THE PUNCH LINE! 
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There is no real punch line.
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The Catholic roasted in Hell for all eternity,
While the Humanist and the Hindu lived in Paradise forever!

This is not a joke.
This is what I honestly think would happen!
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(This is kind of a lie,)

(Ish,) 

(My personal theology is a bit more complex than that and does not have literal pearly gates, beards or fluffy white clouds!) 
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If I am wrong and God is not like this,
Then despite all his power, he is no more than an evil tyrant!
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Then I will rebel against him myself,
However futile such a rebellion would be!
And spend eternity in Hell trying to do what acts of kindness I can to relieve the suffering to all the other the wrongly dammed!
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But I am betting my very Soul on the fact that he is NOT an evil tyrant
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But instead is both as Good and as Holy as I feel and believe God to be!

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