. There's absolutely no point in me asking for any help... Why? Because of my gender and age... ...to the extent that I am not even going to bother reading the replies or comments to this statement. (Sigh) ... because any replies will either be 'trite' 'attacking' 'condescending' 'dull' or, all four... . On Oct the 1st There is a 95% chance of me totally giving up on being any part of this wider local world. I'll just stay in, avoid most people, and Just watch TV, play computer games, watch porn, ect, ect, - until I die of old age. . I might even see if I can fit in the extra cost of shopping delivery into my budget to avoid having to mix with people at shops. . I had a proper full-on go at being part of the world. And now I am tired of it all. The wider world simply seems not worth the time, effort and cost of engaging with. . Don't worry I'll try not to let you ever-so 'ickle little prissy gate hit my rancid big butt on the w...

. I spend almost my entire time pretending to be as "normal" as possible... ...just to survive and hope that once in a blue moon someone might be genuinely unprompted pleasant to me... ...but I never seem to be able to act quite dumb and stupid enough to really fit in or connect with anyone ... ... Sometimes I think ... ...that if I get punched hard enough, often enough, to cause just the right amount of brain damage - then I could finally fit in and make friends easily... ... Then maybe I could finally learn how to be happy. . Of course that is just stupid. It's the equivalent of trying to get bitten by a radioactive spider in real life and thinking I might get superpowers. . But I do wish I could somehow find a way to connect with the world. . It obviously will never happen... ...but I can dream about it ... ... ...As long as I'm mature enough to accept it's only ever going to be a fantasy, I'm still allowed to dream of acceptance. . .

. The tune of I'm Still Standing By Elton John. But with the words replaced with my own warped lyrics . . . You could never know what it's like Acting like normal with a shattered mind. And there's a cold, lonely darkness that sucks me in. Pretending not to be a wreck, I hide behind this mask I use . And despite knowing that I could never win! Well, look at me, I'm coming back again I got a taste of spite in a stubborn way I'm still here, but inside I'm fading away . Don't you know I'm just as broken as I ever was Looking like a total loser, feeling like an abandoned pup. I'm still as broken after all this time. Picking up the pieces of my existence in a world that's too unkind. . I'm still broken (yeah, yeah, yeah) I'm still broken (yeah, yeah, yeah) . Even though I never could have hoped to win Staring down the future, all hope leaving me again The threats you made were meant to scare me down And if my life had any justice, I'd be d...

. From my grave I will smirk smugly at you all! By Ross E F Lombardi. . Dear 20-year-olds, When you, - Oops! Let me rephrase... ..."IF" you get to live into your 80s . One day, near then. When You realise that your grandchildren, Will NEVER have grandchildren of their own, When you realise that your own grandchildren will have to be ruthless killers to survive, Not artists, musicians or doctors - just feral killers. Fighting over half-rotten potatoes in a sodden, wet field to exist... When that moment of horror dawns on you. . Remember me. Remember this bit of writing posted on social media. Back when electricity and clean water "were a thing". From the shadowlands, or hell, or whatever, If there is any kind of afterlife at all... I will be laughing at you... . And the kin of the currently wealthy will have a worse fate, Lasting a few generations longer. Buried alive among luxuries. As the fans in the duct stop. As the air of the underground goes very slowly stale. ...

"Masculinity" was ALWAYS a fucking fairy tale! - A story told to the emotionally childish by those in power that need soldiers to fight their wars and keep the women breeding yet more peasant stock to serve them. . It was always just a manipulation to keep the weapons brought and sold, Help bankers and shareholders, And stop men thinking and feeling as real human beings. “Masculinity” is just strings for the puppets and a hand up our arses. . “Masculinity” doesn’t ‘serve ’ men. – It keeps US in line with invisible prison bars. - It only serves money and power! - “Masculinity” is BULLSHIT! - DUDE! - IT IS TOTAL AND UTTER CRAP! While “Femininity” serves the same purpose…

. Title: A single drop of blood . Size A3 Mixed media on paper. . Sure, The art I created IS mine... I am a creative force. I make lots of stuff All of the time. . But... ...THAT story you have just created in Your own head, About This picture, The one that just popped in there... Just now... Well, (shrug) That story ... - IS YOURS! . No matter what you have been told... (Probably by some entitled snobby posh rich butt hole... who looked down upon you.) ... ...You ARE also a creative force to! . Tell someone THAT story ...! . Creativity belongs to the human spirit... ...not to any official "qualification" ...not to a piece of paper... It belongs to YOU! . Go create...

. Another night full of nightmares Another day of being a completely broken human being Another morning of feeling like this That We men ARE all innately evil! I have seen what they do. I have seen it from early childhood. I still wake up from the nightmares 50 years later. I know what We are. ... And it is not anything good . We should Not be saved. . I am nervous about glimpses of myself in any reflections. As all I will see is something cruel and full of anger. All I will see is a gender that harms the innocent. . ... . .. ok, deep breaths After a night of nightmares/memories of male cruelty and violence. I need to leave the flat and just quietly notice men with their partners, family, and kids. I need to try to input new programming into my head Watch other men be simple, normal, nice humans instead of being monsters. I need some living, real personal proof to remind myself that not all men are evil. I can't keep hating my own gender after every nightmare trauma night. (Becaus...