“All about the pussy!”

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All Cats are total arse holes!
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Yes, I have a Cat!
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Yes, I do love him!
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And again yes, The fact that I love him does not change the fact that he is a total and utter arse hole!
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The fact that Cats are Arse Holes, is exactly the same reason that they are better than Dogs!
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Although I do love dogs as well!
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If you want a simpering sycophant, then get a Dog!
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If you want Total Arse Holes then get a Cat!
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NOTE
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It took me quite a while to make this!
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(Note I know the labelling curve is not perfect but I am attempting this stuff armed only with windows office 97! So cut me some slack! )
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Cat experts say:
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Cats are self-regulating eaters,

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Cat owners say:
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My Fat Cat keeps telling lies to each person that come down the stairs each morning, crying groundless accusations of “Starvation!”
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Cat experts say:
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Well-fed cats will not bother you at meal times.
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Cat owners say:
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Tell that to my Tunafish sandwich after I left to answer the phone for 120 seconds!
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Cat experts say :
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Cats only attack you if they feel provoked or threatened!
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Cat owners say:
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HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
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Cat experts say :
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A normal well-adjusted Cat should not have any inerrant behavioural difficulties.
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Our Feline, Human Owning Overlords Say:
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Mewoow! Mewoow! Mewoow! Mewoow! Mewoow! Mewoow! Mewoow!
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(Translation! : HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!)

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Why is there no mouse flavoured cat food? 

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NOTE:
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I said Mouse "Flavoured"!
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Not actual mouse! 

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Just flavoured! 

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Obviously, the actual flesh meat is a mixture of Dolphin and Baby Panda Cubs instead! 

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And then use herbs and spices to make it taste just like real mice!  

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I am inventing a New word "CATpricious" 

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It means exactly the same as 

A slightly more furry & purry "Capricious" 

But it is X10 more often, less predictable, more sudden, with less warning 

And it is X12 more Scratchy & Bitey!

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It is also X100 easier to instantly forgive & forget!

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Hours of effort have been spoiled by the cat spilling paint and water all over the artwork...
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The artist rants in fury at "That, Bloody Stupid F-ing Cat"!
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The Artist's Cat:
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"Who the hell do you think you are trying to impress"!?!
"You stupid ape!"
"We both know you will be cuddling me within the next five minutes!"
"Now go get My TUNA!"
"NOW!"
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"You Total Dumb Arse Monkey!"
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THEY DO NOT LIVE HERE!

By Ross E F Lombardi.
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"This Cat?"

"This Cat is not ours"
"This Cat does not really live here..."
"They just visit!"
"Yes!"
"We do open the door for them"
"Yes"
"He does like his own spot to sleep on"
"Yes"
"We do put a cushion on that spot to keep things tidy"
"Yes"
"We feed them"
"Yes,"
"We Did get them their own bowl to save us using the human dishes"
"Yes"
"We did do the same for their water, for common sense hygiene reasons"
"Well, Yes,"
"We did start getting a tiny bit of their own food,"
"We were shopping anyway and the food was kinda just there, so why not?"
"Ok, Yes,"
"They did not like that food so now we get him the slightly nicer special food"
"Well, Of course.."
"They have a few cheap toys!"
"It was the anniversary of when we first met, so I was going to get a tiny present"
"That does not mean anything!"
"Ok, true"
"We did get some vet insurance"
"But only the middle tier, nothing extravagant!
"Yes, but you are not listening to me..."
"They do NOT live here!"
"This is NOT their home!"
"I know, I know, but you don't understand! They are NOT my cat"
"Ok, we will have to agree to disagree like reasonable adults on this subject..."
"I'll catch you next time.."
"You will have to let yourself out... I need to stay here..."
"Why?"
"Because the Cat is on my lap!"
"Don't condescendingly roll your eyes at me!"
"The Cat does NOT live here...!!!"

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