NONE OF US COULD BE SPARTACUS! . There is a sword and sandal film epic called “Spartacus” Based on a bit of possible Ancient Roman history. . The Basic Story: After being the ex-gladiator leader of a mass slave rebellion Eventually, the might of the Roman army defeats the rebel heroes, At the end everyone claims to be the hero Spartacus to show unity in the face of his death, even at the cost of their own lives. . BUT THAT IS NOT HOW I SEE THE HUMAN RACE ACTUALLY IS! Not even close! I think the human race is more like THIS! . Roman officer in an ill-fitting uniform: (His men around him don’t recognise him, or care – the sun is hot, they are sweaty and tired, and they just want to go home.) “Give me Spartacus and the rest of you may live!” . Random crowd member 1: “HIM!” “Him over there is Spartacus!” . Random crowd member 2: “NO!” “He is Spartacus!” . Random crowd member 3: “NO!” “That person is Spartacus” . Random crowd member 4: “No! Get that man! He is Spartacus!” . Ra...

. Note to self: . Do NOT cheer yourself up with a fry-up! . Do NOT cheer yourself up with an unhealthy fry-up! . Do NOT cheer yourself up with an empty-calorie-laden fry-up! . Do NOT cheer yourself up with a fatty, greasy fry-up! . Do NOT cheer yourself up with a dripping in pork fat, warm egg yoke, salty, tasty butter full fry-up! . Do NOT cheer yourself up with a huge plate of toxic, poisonous, bacon, sausages, eggs, and black pudding (It's not a real fry up without some black pudding), delicious, heavenly, mouthwatering Fry up! . Do NOT cheer yourself up by getting ANY of the biggest fry-ups on ANY menu with a load of lovely extras! . No! Do NOT do it... NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! . Do Not attempt to fill the bottomless, empty loneliness of your weeping heart with a fry-up! . dam... shit.... fuck... . I guess I am getting a fry up then... . Who the fuck am I losing weight for? It is not as if I need to look good when I am so fundamentally undatable anyway... .