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I will never get to feel that I have 'finally come home'.

.
I keep mentality preparing myself for isolation and to accept people's rejection of me
- So I can always quietly walk away with calm dignity, without undue fuss.
I keep expecting the social guillotine in every social circle I enter.
I see it as an eventual inevitability.
- So, I can never really relax.
Not really.
If I relax - even for a moment - Then, That is when it will happen! -
Being braced and prepared for it all the time - protects me.
It lessens the pain of the inevitable expulsion that WILL Always eventually happen!
.
I will always, and forever be 'homesick'.
I will never get to feel that I have 'finally come home'.
.
.
Saying with a shrug, 
"It is - what it is", 
Is a bit more polite and socially acceptable than screaming in pain.
.
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