.
The Story Of
The Free Chocolate Flavoured Condom
(a true story from Ross E F Lombardi.)
.I WAS a Married Man out drinking, (I am now divorced)
I was about 35 at the time, so 10 year-ish ago. (...and the rest..)
(Not many good stories happen to start with, “I was eating a salad!”)
A pretty young woman 18-20-year-old says,
“Look What I Found”
Or
“Look what I have”
(It is 10 years ago and I was drunk so the specifics are a little blurred.)
Then she showed me this Condom and said that it is a Chocolate-flavoured one.
Then she offers it to me.
I say
"thanks”,
and then put it in my pocket.
And I think what a cool, nice, generous girl giving me a free chocolate condom!
30 minutes later she looks annoyed and says something along the lines of,
“If you are not going to use that condom, I'll have it back, It would be a shame to waste it!”
A bit puzzled, I reply,
“Of course, I'll use it, I don’t think me and my wife have tried using one of those before,”
Then I run into a standard joke monologue about, how the first person that can create a pill that makes sperm chocolate-flavoured will make a fortune!
Not thinking anything else about it I eventually go home a pass out on the couch.
The next evening the wife asked how my night out was.
I say it was fine,
Then I remember to tell her about this nice cool chick that gave me a free chocolate condom that she had found!
My wife smiles and nods, we chat a little more, and then life moves on.
Fast forward a few weeks,
I and my wife were both at a party, and she had a bit to drink.
As these things do, the group starts talking about relationships, sex and the general nature of infidelity.
It is only then, that my wife kind of half brags and half make fun of me.
She tells the story of my night out and the free chocolate condom.
She laughingly says that unlike many women she knows I will not be unfaithful.
Based on what a dumb ass I am when it comes to reading signals from other women!
My reply,
“I only Never notice, simply because, I am not even looking out for it! That is how I know that I am truly happily Married!”
NUFF SAID!
.
Of course, I am now divorced
Thrown away like garbage after 30 years.
So maybe I should NOT have been so stupidly dedicated after all,
Maybe I SHOULD have been unfaithful when I had the chance...
But then again... ...That is simply not "me".
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