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How can I win? I have 3 options A ) and B ) and C )

.
How can I win? 
I have 3 options A ) and B ) and C )
.
How can I win?
I have 3 options A ) and B ) and C )
- But really only 2 options A ) and B )
And both of those are inadequate and flawed.
I can not see an option D ) yet...
.
IF...
.
A )
...I isolate myself then the crushing loneliness makes me more and more sleazy as my sex drive hormones poison and corrupt my own perceptions and brain.
.
BUT IF...
.
B )
...I leave the flat and try and be part of the world.
My already slightly corrupted, hormone-damaged personality and a last hopeful spark in me,
Has far more opportunity to make some poor lass accidentally uncomfortable.
- As I imagine shit that is not there.
.
While option...
.
C )
Ripping my own balls off is NOT an option!
(And apparently ripping my own balls off - although proactive, also counts as self-harm and is therefore frowned upon by society.)
.
So?
<Shrug>
How can I win?
I can't do both!
I can't NOT be in two situations at once, both NOT in the flat AND NOT part of the world!
I kinda have to do one of these two things.
.
Being a man alone, - at over 50.
Make's me innately and irrevocably deep-down core shit!
This can only get ever worse!
I feel doomed to become something disgusting and horrible,
To becoming the very kind of so-called "man" I both loath and hate!
Some kind of twisted misogynist predator shell incel.
.
I claw at the edge of the slippery sink and feel the pull of the plughole drain sucking my integrity and decency down and away. - As my own sexuality eats away at what little is left of my soul, drip, drip at a time.
And I have no idea how to save myself from this fate!
.
...And NO!
Turning to that spiteful shit in the golden throne above IS NOT an option!
HELL NO!
NEVER!.
.
Being single may be ok for you.
Which is fine.
But we are not the same.
I am a totally different person.
I do not want to be single.
I do not like being single.
I know it is twisted math.
BUT!
-
- If I am not part of a couple,
I am only half a person.
-
- That is who I am!
- Even if that is not who you are.
- And I don't need your approval to be 'me'.
.
#mental illness
#heartbreak
#mentalhealth
#love
.
Ranted At You By

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