ROLL THE DICE.

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ROLL THE DICE.

By

Ross E F Lombardi

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I care deeply about social justice issues

I care more than it is healthy to do so,

I cause’s me mental illness and emotional pain,

As if I just cannot stop hearing the screams of the entire world.

So when a sarcastic meme popped up, saying,

(And I’ll have to paraphrase here)

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“Men keep suggesting that lesbians just have not tired good enough dick yet

Those men should try a load of dick themselves, if it is do great”

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…Or words to that effect,

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And it being the internet,  I decide to chip in my own two cents

Like any other normal common shit head would.

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“If they are a lesbian.

Then why even think that?

Why not just be bros.

I think it would be cool to check out chicks together with a lesbian female platonic friend.

Just think of all the cool conversations you could have, that a male friend would be too upright to talk about.

Plus have you heard of OTEP? Rock Lesbian have the coolest taste in music?

And you can dance with them without being judged or having to impress them the way you would a romantic date.

And think of the alternative perspectives you'd get of the world through hanging with them.

And the list goes on.

The potential benefits far out ways just ‘getting laid’ yet again.”

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And one reply comment affected me…

She said,

“Please believe us when we say we cannot hang out with straight men,

They eventually turn it sexual and make a move!

Even butch lez like me aren’t safe from men’s bullshit”

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My hands hovered over the keyboard for an instant

That weird part of me that does all the writing and art took over,

And this produced, from that part of me, This response,

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“I’d love to be able to confidently make a self-righteous stand and scream

‘Blah Blah bigotry Blah Blah double standard Yap Yap’

But I know men

I know human beings

And I know even ‘me’

So, honestly, as much as I want to passionately say

‘you are full of crap’

I know people,

Humans are all inherently shitty!

So,  unfortunately, painfully, I have to concede that you are highly likely to be right.

I wish this was not so,

I wish I was better than that

I wish men were better than that

I wish humans were better than this.

But that is the way it is.

…And this knowledge makes the world a darker, nastier place, for everyone,

…And it makes me hate out entire species a little bit more than I already did.”

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Then I read what a part of me had written,

Because this creative stuff seems to happen in a sort of trance,

So, When I read it back, I have no idea what it will say or how it will end.

It is like the creation or thought was never mine to begin with.

I read it for the first time.

(Then correct all the spelling mistakes in it.)

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So I read back my response,

And thought

“WOW!”

“Well, DAM!”

And this entire interaction gave me pause,

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After a bit of cutting and pasting of the previously written stuff, As a starting point,

In a yet another semi-trance I start to once again write…

As I started to remember all the different surprising way I have seen people react.

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I have seen cowards

Suddenly do incredibly brave things.

A switch flips behind their eyes and do something amazing

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I have seen brutally hard men,

Local heroes

And actual war heroes

Suddenly become complete cowards,

As if all their past adventure and terrible injuries are suddenly remembered by a different part of their normally heroic mind, and it betrays who they are.

It simply forces them not to go through that physical trauma again.

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I have seen a confirmed, nazi flag waving,  braggy racist,

Give his life,

Trying to save a young Indian man, a total stranger, from being kicked to death,

Because this once out of thousand other times, out of nowhere,

He suddenly felt offended by the lack fairness.

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I have seen to, (far too many times) Respected suited people in the arts,

Wavers of long drawn out PC documents,

The sort of people who would proudly get arrested at a human rights rally

Make a bigoted based, easier choices, in one way or another, to promote a career, gallery, or to promote funding for an event.

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I have heard the story of the person that I am named after,

Friends of my parents. Who chose my name in his honour before I was born,

A normally very gentle man called Ross, who committed suicide with pills, after out of nowhere, beating his girlfriend…

…After a life of swearing never to be that sort of man.

And the shock of this other part of him made him, even existing, made him then execute himself.

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I have seen the lifelong honest take a bribe

And the callous dishonest jaded suddenly show integrity.

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I start to remember all the people I have known personally who have acted totally out of character, in a way that no one could ever have predicted.

Sure there are rationalisations, excuses and self-licencing afterward,

But Hindsight has always been 20/10  and has always smelt more than just a little of rank bullshit.

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And I see why seasoned cops and others in similar high pressure rolls are so nervous and twitchy, - and overly quick to lash out!

Because despite how things may look,

They never really know what they are going to get from the seemingly mundane interaction they are in.

Any routine traffic stop could cause their families go to their funeral.

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And the more you look the more you start to automatically, habitually, forever constantly see it more and more!

You then realise.

People WILL always surprise you.

Everyone is a dice roll.

No one can really know anyone.

And no one can ever really know themselves.

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