Susan

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Susan
Did I really ask too much ?
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Just to 'be there'.
It was not too much to ask! Was it?
Sure read your book, or play with your phone or type on your keyboard,
but to do it in the same room as me.
To both take turns making tea and coffee for us both.
Exchange affectionate looks, and warm smiles every so often.
Hold my hand or stroke my shoulder as we pass.
Still do your own thing.
But to do it in the same room as me and acknowledge my presence as a nice and pleasant thing as we share that space.
Make me know that you are happy to have me in your life.
Would just doing this, really have been so hard?
To Let me feel quietly wanted, accepted and loved.
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I never wanted my ex to be a sex goddess
I never expected her to look young forever,
I didnt want much,
Just for her to like spending time with me.
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To stay in love with me.
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Not make me feel I was an over-imposing house guest that had uncomfotavly overstayed my welcome for over a decade.
It hurts that I wanted so little but was still far too shit a person, to have it.
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To me, she got more beautiful as we got older.
To her, I became more ugly each day, until she was sick of the very site of me.
She broke my heart not once, but a thousand times, over tens of years like a death of a thousand tiny cuts.
It's not my fault that I can't look as good as she needed, I thought our shared memories of 30 years could be enough to compensate for that.
I was clearly, wrong.
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Today, now.
Although it is still a struggle,
I am starting to slowly accept this can never be 'me' now.
"Being loved", 'that way', is not something I can do.
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I hate her now.
I refuse to speak or see her ever again.
She can just leave me the hell alone!
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I won't let her, make me feel any worse about myself, anymore.
I will Never forgive her.
She is Not a good person, she is Not a nice person, she Is a bad person.
I will not let her hurt me again.
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