Question: “Without blaming my ex – “ “What could I have done differently in my last relationship?”

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Question:
“Without blaming my ex – “
“What could I have done differently in my last relationship?”
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I’m honestly not sure...
It was not mutual – I was dumped after 30 years.
I have played the scenarios over and over in the dark while staring towards the ceiling a million times...
And I am likely to do it a million more before I stop. –
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What I do know is that I have let the pain change me.
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She was disgusted my weight gain
I have gone from a 50”” inch waste and a walking stick to a 38”” and dancing for hours at clubs.
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I look after myself better
And push myself to do more both domestically at home and out and about in the world.
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I have tried to be better than I was
And I am constantly judging and criticising myself to push myself hard to be more.
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But this is the thing that gets to me…
… She has not changed at all.
Not even a bit
She accepts no blame for the divorce
She acts entitled and twist facts to make herself out to be some sort of victim
SHE HAS REFUSED TO LEARN ANYTHING!
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I have tried to evolve
She has not.
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This means that there may never have been Anything I could have possibly done.
I begged her for marriage counselling – she wanted that money for the garden instead.
Even IF she had agreed to go to couselling, it would have been a waste of time –
Because she refuses to give an inch in blame or an inch of change.
And it takes more than one person to save any marriage – you can not do it alone.
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Am I breaking the rules by blaming her? –
Not exactly, but it is a relevant fact that I ask “why” and am trying to level up.
While she said “Why bother”
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So could I have done anything to save my marriage?
No,
Probably not
So, I need to forgive myself for it.
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