Throw it away

I was at a bar, artistic event thing earlier this week.

Talking to a pretty woman about 'stoof'.

(The fact she was pretty IS Relevant: because unfortunately, being a weak human, I probably would not have been as affected by her advice if my attention was not as engaged. Being a feeble minded mere human sucks.)

Anyway.

I have heard allot of past advice about "my ex", or rather "my feelings about being dumped" that has been trite nonsense.

"Forgive her" blah, blah style puke.

.

But This pretty total stranger, said something brand new.

She said.

"Maybe you still hate your ex,"

"Because it's a way of still keeping a part of her"

- ouch!

.

For a brief second I was angry at this pretty stranger because she said something true.

So, yes,

-'OUCH!'

.

Then, to double down the universe made my taxi back to the hotel take extra long to turn up on a cold wet night,

So I had to think about that insight.

.

This insight wasn't about the usual tired rubbish of,

"Hate is bad"

"Power of forgiveness"

"Wanting some kind of justice was bad"

Usual weak sauce anyone had previously churned out.

.

It instead attacked something far more fundamental.

It instead 'suggested', in a echoing boom that rattled my soul,

"Maybe you need to hate her because..."

It did not judge me or say I was wrong or right about my feelings, it instead showed my 'Why' those feelings might exist.

It was not telling me what to do,

It instead showed me the reason why I really do it, - then left me to judge myself.

(And when I judge myself, I do not judge myself lightly or with much leniency or mercy)

"Maybe you keep hating her?"

"Because it's a way of still holding onto a part of her?"

Again.... Ouch!

Extra ouch with a load of extra harsh truth gravy.

I'm not sure how to process this or what I'll do with this...

...but it is a huge personal step forward.

.

I do know that no matter how much you love a "favourite movie".

That there is no point holding onto an old VHS tape of that "movie".

- If you no longer have a VHS tape player.

And

- If that old VHS tape is so warped, twisted and corrupted that even IF you could re-watch that "movie", you couldn't enjoy it anymore.

In fact you no longer have a part of that "movie" at all anymore,

You just have an old peice of rubbish that is taking up space,

That once used to be a "movie"

You FEEL you are holding onto this old plastic bit of rubbish?

- As a way of somehow, Still holding onto a Symbolic Part that "movie".

But here's the thing.

You are Not really holding onto that movie anymore.

The movie is effectively gone.

All you are really holding onto is "garbage".

Just garbage.

.

So this pretty strangers voice bounce's around my chest causing an avalanche.

A cascade of healing thought.

"What it I still hate my ex"

"Because I don't want to loose that last unusable, corrupted, twisted plastic, unwatchable VHS part of her?"

"Maybe it's is not about letting go of 'hate',"

Maybe it is actually, really, about 'letting go' of that last bit of "LOVE" that I have for her?"

.

Maybe, now that I see that,

Due to a random conversation with a stranger,

Maybe I am might be ready for a new favourite "movie"? And maybe even an upgrade to a DVD player to watch that new "movie" on?