. I spend almost my entire time pretending to be as "normal" as possible... ...just to survive and hope that once in a blue moon someone might be genuinely unprompted pleasant to me... ...but I never seem to be able to act quite dumb and stupid enough to really fit in or connect with anyone ... ... Sometimes I think ... ...that if I get punched hard enough, often enough, to cause just the right amount of brain damage - then I could finally fit in and make friends easily... ... Then maybe I could finally learn how to be happy. . Of course that is just stupid. It's the equivalent of trying to get bitten by a radioactive spider in real life and thinking I might get superpowers. . But I do wish I could somehow find a way to connect with the world. . It obviously will never happen... ...but I can dream about it ... ... ...As long as I'm mature enough to accept it's only ever going to be a fantasy, I'm still allowed to dream of acceptance. . .