It obviously will never happen... I'm still allowed to dream of acceptance

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I spend almost my entire time pretending to be as "normal" as possible...
...just to survive and hope that once in a blue moon someone might be genuinely unprompted pleasant to me...
...but I never seem to be able to act quite dumb and stupid enough to really fit in or connect with anyone ...
... Sometimes I think ...
...that if I get punched hard enough, often enough, to cause just the right amount of brain damage - then I could finally fit in and make friends easily...
... Then maybe I could finally learn how to be happy.
.
Of course that is just stupid.
It's the equivalent of trying to get bitten by a radioactive spider in real life and thinking I might get superpowers.
.
But I do wish I could somehow find a way to connect with the world.
.
It obviously will never happen...
...but I can dream about it ...
...
...As long as I'm mature enough to accept it's only ever going to be a fantasy,
I'm still allowed to dream of acceptance.

.

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