. Going Out By Ross e f Lombardi . . I am going to an art gallery thing this afternoon, But I do not want to. . I am going to a karaoke thing in Middlesbrough Town tonight, But I do not want to. . I will talk to people tonight But I do not want to. . What I want to do is... Hide, Hide in bed and pretend the world does not exist. Hide in the blankets - and in sadness - and in myself. But I will not! . I will make myself eat, Make myself shower, Make myself shave, Make myself go out, . I do not want to try and be charming. But I will. . I do not want to try and be friendly. But I will. . I do not want to try and 'flirt' and 'put myself out there' But I will. . I will force myself to live and get a life, Whether I want to or not. . No one is going to give me a "new life" There is no "new life" Fairy godmother, that just hands "new lives" out. I have to go out and make a "new life" from scratch. Or ...

FREE ART AND POEM BOOKLET! TO PRINT AT HOME! a 'how to put together' guide AND LINK! Your FREE page layouts are below... . https://www.lombot.co.uk/2024/08/free-art-and-poem-booklet-to-print-at.html . AND A non-sponsored organic shout-out to the printing company I used, . https://www.digitalprinting.co.uk/ . Who Really Look looked after me and I am VERY happy with the result! . Feel free to print and share for free as much and as many as you like! Just give me my due credit for the work in there.  . #Free  #Poem  #Art  #Leaflet  #booklet  #gift

. Will I give up my rage? "NO!" "Yes", There ARE just two choices! Hate or tears. . Hating is empowering! Crying makes You a victim! . "No", there are no nuances! "No", there is no acceptance! There is just energy, entropy, loss and eventual death. . Life IS pain, anyone who tries to tell you otherwise is trying to sell you something. . And my pain is the One thing that is truly mine, The One thing that no one can ever steal from me, take from me or that will ever leave me. It is a constant in a world where no one can be truly trusted, and everyone will eventually abandon or betray you. I can believe in hate more than anything or anyone else. So, "NO" I will Not be giving it up for a mere 'pat on the back', a 'hug' and some 'trite advice'. . My hate is MINE! All mine! Mine alone Forever. .

. I hate my Ex. I hate Her Soooo very, Very, VERY much!!!!!! . Why Should You Hate Your EX? Because when in pain... Hating an 'Ex' is empowering! While Crying for Them just makes You a victim! .

! IF WOMEN FIND DANGEROUS MEN "HOT" ! Then I quit! - If I have to be ANYTHING like my violent genetic dad - Then I'd rather die alone! - You fucking "normal" human beings make me sick and are not worth hanging around with.... I REFUSE TO BE DANGEROUS! - I Hate you all SOOOO much! (and I fucking hate for god creating all of us shitty humans this way too!) - SCREW BEING A "Good Man" Id rather be a half-decent "Real Human" instead! . Violent people only make you 'the exception' - ...until they don't! . Violence is not right or wrong/good or bad / AND it is NOT glamorous! - it is just is! .- YOU stupid STUPID idiots don't know what real violence IS! Or what you are really wishing for! You Silly! Silly Morons! ! . ! I hate my rage, Hate my violence It calls to me, Hate that I crave to harm others .

. WHY I WILL NOT BE GETTING ANY CANCER SCREENING OR BOTHERING TO SEE A DOCTOR FOR ANY CHECKUPS! . Why would I? Why? To live longer?  HA! I do not enjoy living anyway! - bring the death on! - Seriously? I am 52 years old with no assets, un-employable due to mental illness, living on benefits, Disposable, Ugly inside both and out, Un-dateable, Unlovable and with nothing to offer any woman anyway, With NO future other than loneliness, food banks and counting pennies for the occasional coffee out as a treat. - So, explain to me, IF you can, Why the hell would I ever want to live longer!? I just want to die and meet god - So, I can headbutt the smug bastard in the face and tell him what I really think of him, flipping him the bird in defiant dissenting rage as that spiteful all-powerful, virgin-raping, shit sends me to hell. I hate living AND I hate g od . . Note: Lowercase 'g' on purpose out of intentional disrespect to the mean old bugger... .

    . Why I Am LESS Then Human .  By Ross E F Lombardi. . I like helping people. - I’d help almost anyone I’d even help those who dislike me, for the right reasons And one day, who knows, - You might need my help. I hope that one day, You Do need my help. I Dream that you might one day, Need my help. In the same way, I would go out of my way to help anyone, Anyone else, - that is. I fantasise that one day I am the Only one that can help YOU. . Because know this my ex-wife, My ex-love, - Whether you are, Screaming Crying Drowning Bleeding Dying I will Never help You. . My phone will stay in my pocket - I will walk away. It may cost me my family, my friends, my freedom. I am fully pre-prepared to pay that price for this burning ice. I affirm that potential cost out loud, three times, every morning. Like an evil prayer. - I gain strength from this poison. . There is no redemption for me. No forgiveness for either of us...

. Human beings - be like: . We are here for you... ... until it gets kinda inconvenient, Or at least inconvenient enough to NOT look too bad to others when we selfishly abandon you with some bullshit self-justification self-licensing excuse that we can lie to ourselves about. So, we can pretend that we are a good person, When in fact we are not... Because we human beings all suck! .

.  What My Genetic Father Taught Me (My genetic father Not my loving stepdad Mr Lombardi.) . My genetic father was the de facto head of his friend group, He was the Alpha Male of his circle. He was the one all the other local men looked up to and wanted to impress. He was loved by all the local women he met... He was feared and semi-worshipped by almost everyone! . - My genetic father taught me these things. - My genetic father taught me why any sensible woman would "choose bear" . He taught me what toxic masculinity was. He taught me rage and violence that has me STILL haunted by nightmares, despite me now being 50 years old. - He taught me all this as a toddler before I could possibly comprehend the horrible things I saw. My first ever memory is of him hitting my mum. - He is the reason that as a straight man - I struggled with self-loathing because I am a straight man. He taught me what monsters we men really are. - Because my frightened terrified toddler self at the bac...

. ..At the end of the day,  I am ONLY ever responsible for MY actions, not other people's - It is not my job or concern if the friends in my life are good people or not! - It is only MY job and concern to make sure I am a good person at any and all cost - In spite of anyone else's decisions. - I only OWN ME! - I have no interest in 'owning' anyone else! .

! RE: FEMALE FREINDS: (A certain male heterosexual perspective) - - IF she never liked you that way and never will! (Note: My only ever ask anyone out "Once Only" GOLDEN RULE to stop any risk of you ever accidentally being a delusional scary creep! - If she ever changes her mind, then it's HER turn to ask YOU out!) Accept the friendship and move on! Friendship is worth something to! . PLUS - Remember for every platonic female friend you have - You gain social access to 3 single friends of theirs and your female platonic friend might (if she is a real friend) tell each of them how great you are! Because she wants all her friends to meet good people and be happy. And you should return the favour with your male friends IF she is looking! Because YOU, if you are a decent human being should also want all YOUR friends to meet good people and be happy. . In my opinion, it is far more important to be a good fellow human FIRST And only your sexuality and gender SECOND! ! Your ...

. FREE ART AND POEM BOOKLET! TO PRINT AT HOME! . . The Background: . I WAS going to try and make little art booklets, Just some pictures and poetry. Nothing fancy, just 5 pages of A4 stacked and then folded to sell for as low as I can get them under 5£ each Being able to sell them for 2£ or 3£ each would have been nice. Unlikely but nice. Something someone might buy as a cheap impulse purchase. I just wanted to make £1 single pound on each thing I sold. Only want to print a few at a time, 2 or 3 at a time at most. Then flip them fairly quickly. I don't want to be rich - I don't need to be rich - I just want just enough to tick over and create more stuff. . However . IT CAN NOT BE DONE! . . THE SIDE RANT: . At the price it costs to make them - I'd have to sell them for over £6 each and NO ONE wants to buy an impulse thing for over £5. . HELL, last time I was selling little picture photos, at Disgraceland Baker St pub, Someone wanted me to kick-drop the price from £2 or 3X f...

. I am learning a bit of classical Greek stuff <shrug> as a bit of a mini side hobby. Not anything serious, like university-level stuff. Just a few random "toe dips" in the water... A bit like 'early dating' of the subject matter to see if there are any sparks there or not. A sort of academic reading version of a few coffees and chats to see if a serious hard dirty fuck with the subject might happen in future. . Honestly, once you can read well enough - You don't need further education - you can just learn stuff yourself by getting hold of the right text. Either as a book, from libraries and charity shops or text online. - Why would I chase "official qualifications" at My age anyway! - When it's only the actual knowledge that I want? That would be like buying an extremely expensive diploma degree COW when I can get the MILK of knowledge and perspective for FREE! (And it can be a wonderful way of pissing off certain arrogant snobby posh people...

. Date a respectable woman?  WHY? Why would I want to do that? . As a Man I am totally (bulletproof, un-seducible) faithful! Why? BECAUSE WAS A MALE ESCORT THAT HAD SO MUCH SEX WITH SO MANY WOMEN when I was much younger - I KNOW the difference all too well between having sex with someone you love and just sex! - So, in an age where trust is hard to find in a future love. - I am far more likely to trust a woman who has already "done it all" over a romance with a so-called-"respectable woman" who might still be curious or still likes an ego boost! - I am far more likely to trust a woman who has been a former sex worker or a porn star. . - When sex outside of love becomes truly dull? When emotionless sex seems just like work and not a novelty anymore? When the only sex you Now want, is Sex with an emotional connection! THEN You Only ever want to be faithful to the person you love. Because anything less is no longer erotic! . - In short - Yes, I would date a woman with...

! THIS MAN WANTS! By Ross E F Lombardi ! "Good Woman?" SCREW THAT! "Bad WOMAN?" HELL NO! "HUMAN WOMAN?" HELL YES! I don't want a "good woman"! - I don't want a "bad woman"! - I do not want an "Ideal", "Concept" or a "Construct"! - I want a real normal, flawed like anyone else, Special in so many secret ways, like everyone else, I want a Female human to fall mutually in love with and spend our lives together with. - A normal woman who farts, swears, and sweats A woman who is a person of mortal clay first and a fake social convention "Lady Mask" second. I don't want a goddess. I don't want a thrall I want an "other half" to make each other whole . I want her best. I want her worst . I want her weak AND I want her strong And I want her all night long . I want her real self And for her to accept me as both weak and strong in return. I want someone to fight with (not a...

! MY ROLEPLAY DM RULE: NO more lazy orphan cliché PC backstories allowed! ! MY DM COMMITMENT! NO more lazy orphan PC backstories allowed! I Will create NPC parents for your character! And they WILL be irritating! . <Player moans endlessly that they desperately want to have a dull cliché orphan backstory...> . Yeah, well,  <shrug>  "If" I am your DM!  - Then your parents are going to turn out to have been alive, all along,  (or be raised back up as intelligent undead)  They are going to find you!  They are going to want to reconnect with you,  And they WILL annoy the hell out of your character for comic effect!  - For MY amusement!  <I did not watch decades of sitcom viewing to waste all that potential inspiration and material!>   - Plus it is an easy bed for story seeds.  . - But no one says you have to be in my game!   . That's your choice!  It's not the law of the land!  "You know where the door...

"! "They used to drink from a hose" !" Oh "HOSE"! That makes far more sense now! They meant "hose" ! I always wondered why local prostitutes were so integral to local water distribution! ...And why there was always such a thirst-quenching prostitute hanging about in their backyard all the time, back when they were just kids. I thought there must be a very common yet unspoken, dark-as-all-hell, family secret! ? - Turns out, I was just mishearing what was being said by my Boomer elders the entire time! !

! Let's just cut the crap - If someone is a fucking racist, incel or homophobic bigot - and they are throwing their crappy 'god slave' agenda around to excuse their evil - Then just hit them - HARD! - Yes, I know this will cause me a Fartbook ban! And quite honestly, I don't give a crap! - I am getting sick of tiptoeing around the feelings of all these right-wing wusses! !

! SOME 52nd BIRTHDAY DRINKS. . “Ok, I know I have not touched alcohol in a while, in order to lose weight” “But it's my 52nd Birthday…!” “I am in the town with a bit more money than usual” “I am in a good mood for once” “And I want to treat myself to a few double rum and cokes” “What could possibly go wrong?” Then 3 am ish – 10 ish or so more hours later… . Cool writing Totally Inappropriate yes, but still cool. . Far too cool to destroy… Far too cool not to show off… . But the really annoying part? The really annoying part is this! . Why can’t I write this well when I am sober? ? ? ? Original text: . . My ex-wife after throwing me away like garbage. (after 30 years) Is now with someone new. Despite the broken heart: I take great spiteful solace that I have a weird point of view about ethics and love, That no one else seems to agree with. . This means that her 'new man' is not as weird as me. This means that her 'new man' will be far mo...

. Random Internet person: "Cheating in 2024 is not physical. sending that friend request, liking their story, hiding text messages. You're already beyond cheating." . ME: I must be old and out of touch... ....Are we just talking about normal conversations about mundane general life stuff and sharing comedy cat memes here? Like any other friend? Or am I missing something here? Because I want to be In a relationship without any needless insecurity on either side. . Random Internet person: "Excuses" . ME: Nope, Married for 30 years and was never unfaithful. Divorced now. Been single for 2 years. My ex-wife is still the last person I kissed. So, as I said, "I must be old and out of touch.." . Even as my marriage fell apart I would not have been unfaithful, Not because of how I felt about her, (she can rot in hell) But instead because of how I feel about myself! - I have too much sense of honour, pride and personal discipline to use a bad relationship as a ...