Why I hate my ex

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Why I hate my ex
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Rage and hate Are truly poisonous.
No argument there.
But it does keep at bay the suicidal depression that has a real chance of murdering me!
- My choice then is either hate and rage and become sick in body and soul but definitely 100% survive
- OR
- Take a chance and roll the dice on walking the cliffs of death of despair on a starless midnight and gamble on dumb luck.
- - Without the self-medicating anger and rage, the depression will definitely kill me!
So yes, hate is bad but It's not worth the risk of actual real and present danger of death if I gave the hate up!
Maybe My ex Susan does not deserve to be so hated but I Do deserve to live!
And no hate = me dead.
That simple.
She is tough,
She can take the hate.
All that means is that I never talk or agree to see her ever again,
My hate of her will never really affect her.
She will barely notice and almost certainly not care.
But it will keep me alive.

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Hate is bad, hate is awful, 

BUT depression and suicidal thoughts are FAR worse! 

- Depression will definitely kill me if I let it! 

- I made the choice to survive!

- Anger is the ONLY thing that I find works against the dangerous depression. 

It's a deeply sucky choice and an unpleasant way to live, but it is the only chance of survival that I have.

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The chemicals released by the brain when you are angry seem to suppress any depression. 

Anger works!

- And it is free, natural and without prescription.
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