..... ok, deep breaths After a night of nightmares/memories of male cruelty and violence. I need to leave the flat and just quietly notice...

.
Another night full of nightmares
Another day of being a completely broken human being
Another morning of feeling like this
That We men ARE all innately evil!
I have seen what they do.
I have seen it from early childhood.
I still wake up from the nightmares 50 years later.
I know what We are.
... And it is not anything good

.
We should Not be saved.
.

I am nervous about glimpses of myself in any reflections.
As all I will see is something cruel and full of anger.
All I will see is a gender that harms the innocent.
.

...
.

.. ok, deep breaths
After a night of nightmares/memories of male cruelty and violence.
I need to leave the flat and just quietly notice men with their partners, family, and kids.
I need to try to input new programming into my head
Watch other men be simple, normal, nice humans instead of being monsters.
I need some living, real personal proof to remind myself that not all men are evil.
I can't keep hating my own gender after every nightmare trauma night.
(Because that is, literally, a path where only madness lies)
I need to remind myself that my early life was not "normal".
Remind myself that "not all men" is actually a real thing.
And that there are reasons some people actually like some of us men.

.

... Yeh ... I am not feeling convinced either...

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