. Thoughts on paint vs oil pastels... . I like oil pastels They are instant, and I am more skilled with them than with other media. I am not keen on paint. Waiting for paint to dry before adding a next layer is frustrating. . BUT I have recently learned something... Waiting for paint to dry is nothing in comparison... To waiting for a first date to start... . I'm meeting someone later for a first date. But that is not until 1 p.m.-ish. I woke up at 7am, as if it were Christmas morning. And now I still have another 4 hours to wait... . Waiting for paint to dry on a work-in-progress art piece is not looking anywhere near as bad - about now.... .

! DEAR ALL MEN: Remember when you were little, and you were put in a position where you felt that you had to attack and hurt someone for the very first time? Maybe it was a school bully? Maybe it was peer pressure? Maybe it was a parent who said, "Don't be so soft!" "Hit Them!" Can you remember really not wanting to hurt them? Not wanting to do it? . Get THAT feeling back! Be THAT again! Become a real human being again! .

. I have Very Few male friends. VERY FEW! . I have an active bigotry against all men. Including myself. To the extent that I could Never join any men's health or therapy group. . I don't trust 'em. I don't like 'em. I do not like their lad culture. I disrespect their macho heritage. I keep expecting violence from them. I hear what they say. I see what they do. I know what they really are. And they keep proving me right about them. .

Current plan:  Sept 18th 2026 I am committed to seeing the "Heathers" Musical, at Darlington with my daughter in about a weeks time. But after that, I'm staying in. There is some art left at 2B, and when that doesn't sell, I suppose they will have to throw it away. Because I don't want to leave the flat to get it. I still unfortunately have to refill my gas card for heating once in a while. - So I still have to leave the flat for that. But if I do it when the gas card refill shop opens at 7 a.m.-ish, with as much as I can, I should be able to avoid most people. But apart from the gas card, I see no reason why I have to be an active part of the wider world at all from when I get back after that "Heathers" musical onwards. Unless I have forgotten some other commitments - But eventually, all commitments remembered or not will run out - And I am makeing no added plans for the future. So eventually Sooner or later, Preferably sooner I can give up on being an...

. If I am with a woman I don't know well enough. . I can have a painful hard-on that won't quit and have sex for hours. (No, it is not as fun as it sounds. It's unsatisfying and painful and frustrating) . I can only orgasm and go limp again if I feel emotionally connected to the woman. It doesn't have to be "love", but I do have to know and like her . Being attractive is just not enough. No matter how 'hot' she is. . I can't cum with one-night stands. (Which is why I don't do them) . This is why being faithful to whoever I am with is so appealing. And why I have zero interest in hook-up sites or "professionals". (Don't get me wrong - sex work IS real work! - but such "services" won't work for me.)  . Do any other men out there have this issue? .

  . "If," it turns out (as I suspect) that I am incompatible with the entire world, then I will simply withdraw from the entire world and become a recluse. "If" I cause pain to others by being 'me' then I should avoid those people "If" I cause pain to everyone by being 'me' then I should simply avoid everyone. It is an elegant solution that is easy to do. Anything else is simply not worth the inordinate huge effort for such tiny small rewards. I just don't need the company of other humans that badly. (Let's be honest here! Human beings, that is the entire human race, including myself, just totally sucks!) Avoiding all people everywhere is not that big a sacrifice - compared to the drudge dirge grinding grey dull constant effort of trying to interact with them... .

. GENERAL PUBLIC POLITE REMINDER! . A willingness to help IS NOT A willingness to obey! . If you offer advice, And it IS just advice – Then you won’t be insulted if I refuse to take that advice! If you Insist that your advice, be followed, then it is no longer just advice! It instead becomes an instruction, condition or given order! . Too Many people and organisations keep confusing my willingness to help and be helpful to them, With a willingness to be owned and controlled by them! . Just because I go out of my way to help a person, gallery, group or organisation. Does NOT mean I suddenly become a thrall or foot soldier for that person, gallery, group, or organisation. . I do not change. I will not change. I will always choose to break rather than bend. To die rather than back down. To walk away rather than stay a part of your so-called “Family”. . Helping you does NOT mean I need you to like me! I help - to help you – NOT to get something from you! I do not need your conditional mon...

. SHIT! - Only 100 Days until Fucking Christmas! I HATE CHRISTMAS! It is one big, lonely, horrifying "Why the hell should I keep breathing?" fest! It is just SO bloody hard to get through alive each time! . . - And let's not forget the official "Ross E. F. Lombardi Is A Failure Day" That I have to get through first!  On the 17th of December of each year! . And... While Strangers, Acquaintances, and Loose Friends inviting you to share Christmas SEEMS like a nice gesture... ... IT IS STILL NOT REAL! No matter how big the feast No Matter how open the bar No matter how much singing and dancing there may be. IT IS STILL NOT REAL! They are STILL Not family! . Just like comparing decaf coffee  With real coffee. . Just like comparing a one-night stand or prostitute, With making love to a wife you love, . Just like talking to a therapist Because you have no real friends to confide in.  . One is a shallow, empty version of the other. . If it is not real. Then I do not wa...

. ‘Me’, Doing My Sexy ‘over-the-shoulder’ pose. In My Teasing ‘off-the-shoulder’ look. . “I Do Feel Ever So Pretty!” “I Am A Pretty Boy” . . (Pretty sarcastic, that is…) .

A better name for "depression" ? . I nominate the term "soul rot" . . As each depression bout permanently takes a tiny bit of any "good" part of "you" each time it happens. . As the decades roll relentlessly onward. There is markedly less of "you" that is still human. . By the time you finally "give in", there is so little of "you" that was once "good" remaining, - that the final result is almost a mercy. . . I have been fighting mine for over 30 years. There is so very little of my original real self left now...

. The real problem is NOT the Middle East Or government censorship Or anything else that is particularly complicated. The problem is DEEPER! The problem is SIMPLER! . We in the UK make money by selling weapons It is THAT simple! If we don't sell weapons, we don't make enough money to survive as a nation. No weapon sales harm the UK. It reduces public services to zero! It lowers the yield on that pension you are so looking forward to. . You say you are against violence, so go on your little middle-class protests without really ever wanting to know where your pension pots are invested. Yeh, your pension and other investments ARE almost definitely blowing the legs off other fellow human beings, from the UK-made 'N sold landmines. You may never smell the sting of shit and showered blood in person - BUT you are Still responsible! . The REAL problem Is humanity's love of violence. It's romance with war. The problem is a love of fighting. It starts with macho street punch-...

Three Very Lazy knocked up Ross E F Lombardi Limericks. . There once was a poet who wrote a limerick, Who slapped lines together Sort-‘O quick, - They lazily did not put in enough effort that day, Performed it anyway, - And the tired formula allowed it still to Kind-‘O stick. . . . . . . There was once a pretentious poet from afar. For whom being overly posh was – “who they Are”, - When they whined about another poet’s lack of education. The other poet giggled, “Mutare non est meum” - Then just shrugged and added “Cantus Moriar”. . . . . . . There was once a persecuted population in past history Who shouted “Never again” to such inhumanity! - They re-committed genocide themselves anyway. Even in this modern day, - Yet were still unable to see the sick, Iconic, Ironic misery. .

. Oh, the unfortunate irony! . That you'd have to be pretty dam super stupid to go out with someone This damaged! I am Not a smart decision! (Shrug) ...while I am doomed to only being attracted to super smart, intelligent women, anyway. . So logically, If you are stupid enough to be attracted to me. Then you are far too stupid for me to be ever attracted to you. . How the hell is THAT shit ever gonna work?! I am SOOOooo  Very, VERY fucked! ...and not in a good way! . . I am one of those men who has problems with a super smart, intelligent woman... ... because They Are SO Dam HOT! . SO! Go on! Say something really clever! I double dare you! . If you want to end up stuck with me having a crush on you... .

"if you're a single man 50+ we want you at our dinners" Sayeth the AD! Except... -...NO... YOU DON'T want ME at your dinners! - You want men with a calm maturity and men that have "their shit together" , EG - 'house' 'job' 'car' etc.... You want fairly successful professional men, NOT some podgy 50-year-old train wreck, overly emotional, delusional up their own arse pseudo-intellectual who still gets all teen-style enraged at every perceived social injustice. NOT a broke on benefits bloke in a rented flat that does his laundry in two buckets in his shower cubicle. You do not want a person who IS of an E6/2 socioeconomic bracket. …yet is still able to both know exactly what that is and what that really means. You want those ‘real humans’ instead… Not the trash… …That You want to ignore in the street. - You don’t want “me”! Have you met “me”? I’m a walking, talking, scruffy social awkwardness nightmare! - - HELL! ‘I’ AM ‘me’ ...

.  My Chemical Romance: <Singing> “…when you grow up Would you be the saviour of the broken The beaten and the damned...?" . ME: “Oh, for fucks sake” “DO, Piss OFF!” ! “I AM THE BLOODY BROKEN!” “BEATEN” “…And DAMNED!” .

. There's absolutely no point in me asking for any help... Why? Because of my gender and age... ...to the extent that I am not even going to bother reading the replies or comments to this statement. (Sigh) ... because any replies will either be 'trite' 'attacking' 'condescending' 'dull' or, all four... . On Oct the 1st There is a 95% chance of me totally giving up on being any part of this wider local world. I'll just stay in, avoid most people, and Just watch TV, play computer games, watch porn, ect, ect, - until I die of old age. . I might even see if I can fit in the extra cost of shopping delivery into my budget to avoid having to mix with people at shops. . I had a proper full-on go at being part of the world. And now I am tired of it all. The wider world simply seems not worth the time, effort and cost of engaging with. . Don't worry I'll try not to let you ever-so 'ickle little prissy gate hit my rancid big butt on the w...

. I spend almost my entire time pretending to be as "normal" as possible... ...just to survive and hope that once in a blue moon someone might be genuinely unprompted pleasant to me... ...but I never seem to be able to act quite dumb and stupid enough to really fit in or connect with anyone ... ... Sometimes I think ... ...that if I get punched hard enough, often enough, to cause just the right amount of brain damage - then I could finally fit in and make friends easily... ... Then maybe I could finally learn how to be happy. . Of course that is just stupid. It's the equivalent of trying to get bitten by a radioactive spider in real life and thinking I might get superpowers. . But I do wish I could somehow find a way to connect with the world. . It obviously will never happen... ...but I can dream about it ... ... ...As long as I'm mature enough to accept it's only ever going to be a fantasy, I'm still allowed to dream of acceptance. . .

. The tune of I'm Still Standing By Elton John. But with the words replaced with my own warped lyrics . . . You could never know what it's like Acting like normal with a shattered mind. And there's a cold, lonely darkness that sucks me in. Pretending not to be a wreck, I hide behind this mask I use . And despite knowing that I could never win! Well, look at me, I'm coming back again I got a taste of spite in a stubborn way I'm still here, but inside I'm fading away . Don't you know I'm just as broken as I ever was Looking like a total loser, feeling like an abandoned pup. I'm still as broken after all this time. Picking up the pieces of my existence in a world that's too unkind. . I'm still broken (yeah, yeah, yeah) I'm still broken (yeah, yeah, yeah) . Even though I never could have hoped to win Staring down the future, all hope leaving me again The threats you made were meant to scare me down And if my life had any justice, I'd be d...

. From my grave I will smirk smugly at you all! By Ross E F Lombardi. . Dear 20-year-olds, When you, - Oops! Let me rephrase... ..."IF" you get to live into your 80s . One day, near then. When You realise that your grandchildren, Will NEVER have grandchildren of their own, When you realise that your own grandchildren will have to be ruthless killers to survive, Not artists, musicians or doctors - just feral killers. Fighting over half-rotten potatoes in a sodden, wet field to exist... When that moment of horror dawns on you. . Remember me. Remember this bit of writing posted on social media. Back when electricity and clean water "were a thing". From the shadowlands, or hell, or whatever, If there is any kind of afterlife at all... I will be laughing at you... . And the kin of the currently wealthy will have a worse fate, Lasting a few generations longer. Buried alive among luxuries. As the fans in the duct stop. As the air of the underground goes very slowly stale. ...

"Masculinity" was ALWAYS a fucking fairy tale! - A story told to the emotionally childish by those in power that need soldiers to fight their wars and keep the women breeding yet more peasant stock to serve them. . It was always just a manipulation to keep the weapons brought and sold, Help bankers and shareholders, And stop men thinking and feeling as real human beings. “Masculinity” is just strings for the puppets and a hand up our arses. . “Masculinity” doesn’t ‘serve ’ men. – It keeps US in line with invisible prison bars. - It only serves money and power! - “Masculinity” is BULLSHIT! - DUDE! - IT IS TOTAL AND UTTER CRAP! While “Femininity” serves the same purpose…